In Gulliver’s Travels Swift describes how the great Empires of Lilliput and Blefescu had been at war for six and thirty moons over which end of a boiled egg to break before eating it.

Today’s battle between the Big Distancers of the Principality of Castleknock, with the support of an array of courtiers and Doctors of Social Distancing, and the Little Distancers will make such an epic clash pale in comparison.

It has already eclipsed the controversy over the leader of the Big Distancers seemingly attending a picnic where the Big Distance expected to be observed by his subjects appeared distinctly to be closer to the Little Distance which, according to some, would have us all dead above in our beds if permitted.

Just as in Lilliput the 70 moons long disputation over the elevation of the Emperor’s heels has been suspended as the population awaits anxiously to discover how close they can stand to Granny without bringing down upon them the full weight of the Garda Armed Response Unit, Special Branch, and the Army Rangers Corps.

A nation holds its breath.