David McWilliams is flogging his latest book, Money: A Story of Humanity which I’m sure is excellent and just as good as all his other books I haven’t read. The title could be applied to most news stories out there, such as Money: A Story of Oasis.
I’m probably not going to wade through McWilliams latest book because I have my own “expert” when it comes to analysing money. This person features in one of those Nativity Christmas movies my children love to watch at the worst time of the year. In Nativity, there is a son who is a teacher and a slicker older son who is a lawyer. I am paraphrasing but when the father, also a lawyer, visits his teacher son, he asks him how much his salary is. The son replies, oh this job isn’t really about the money. To which the father replies, it’s always about the money. And there it is, the greatest piece of wisdom you are likely to hear. Ultimately, when all is said and done, it’s always about the money.
And that is exactly what your 400 Euros standing ticket to see two 50 something old duffers (one of whom has zero talent and is deeply unpleasant) is all about; the money. Sure, Oasis might tell you their reunion tour is all about the music, about being authentic working – class, having an Irish mammy or bringing back Umbro coats, but really, what this tour is actually about is paying off ex-wives and the legal costs of two very expensive divorces. Liam was instructed to give half of his then £11m fortune to his ex-wife Nicole Appleton following their divorce proceedings in 2015. Noel also lost out, as he had to hand over £20 million to finalise his divorce from ex-wife Sara MacDonald.
Listen, I was there the first-time round. I must have been 14/15 when Definitely Maybe came out, I saw Oasis live, at least twice, I was swaying to the music at REM’s Slane concert. I saw Blur and the far superior and smarter Pulp. Sure, I enjoyed it although a large part of that was probably to do with some underage drinking that I may or may not have participated in, I neither confirm nor deny rumours on that. But what I’d be doing at an Oasis concert now, some thirty years and four children later I don’t know. That pile of laundry won’t wash itself. Also, I am not an idiot.
I understand nostalgia is a powerful emotion and I understand how we all want to experience something real and that sense of togetherness with your fellow suburban mum or dad who are also swaying to the music beside you in Croke park. But you are being taken for a fool, your dream of being 15 again has been ruthlessly exploited by the Gallagher brothers and you will be sorely disappointed.
Speaking of suburban mums and dads, I think parents out there will agree with me when I say that not even the Highway Rat, stealer of buns, biscuits and chocolate eclairs would be this shameless. The politicians can blame Ticketmaster if they wish, because it would be political suicide for them to point out that actually there is no obligation on fans to pay 400 Euros to see this pair play music they wrote 30 years ago, and that as they probably do say in Manchester, you are being stitched up like a kipper. Others blame the free market itself.
See Mark O’Connell in the Irish Times, for example, saying, “The Gallagher brothers embraced the logic of capitalism so wholeheartedly that they have made its flaws luridly, even dangerously visible.” ‘Embrace the logic of capitalism?’ This sounds like fancy speak for embracing the money or even more simply; the Gallagher brothers are greedy.
Even that economic genius, Sinn Féin leader Mary Lou McDonald, can spot a greedy so and so when she sees one, slamming Oasis with the following gem, “I saw somebody put it directly to Oasis that they’re a working-class group. The working-class got them where they are and they’re throwing them under the bus.” Sing it, sister.
Mr and Mr Gallagher probably didn’t shout down their mobile phones at their management to ‘show me the money’ as they aren’t American football players, but they might as well have. The brothers themselves have denied knowing anything about the system of dynamic pricing that was used to flog tickets to their concerts but then they would say that wouldn’t they? A sort of Bart Simpson defence of, I didn’t do it, nobody saw me do it, there’s no way you can prove anything!
Dynamic pricing is fancy economic speak for highway robbery. Even if the free market has been exposed, our socialist comrades should know that there are all sorts of limits on it now – consumer law, fair advertising and reams of case law from the European Union. Sadly, there is no law to stop a pair of greedy brothers like the Gallaghers using the dynamic pricing/highway robbery model of price setting.
I think what annoyed people was the fact that fans who logged on to their epic computer queue thought they would be paying just under 100 Euros for a ticket but when they finally got to the top of the virtual queue were handed a bill for 400. Now, that sounds like ‘bait and switch’ to me, and although my contract law is very, very rusty indeed it has long been illegal. Even with Uber, although there are price surges, you are told before you press confirm what the cost of your rush hour journey will be. Not so with Oasis tickets.
If I for instance went to Dunnes at a particularly busy time and wheeled my usual €150 worth of groceries to the top of the check- out (don’t start me) and the check-out lady said that actually my organic rye sourdough bread (don’t you dare judge me, it’s yummy) was now 25 Euros instead of the usual €3.99, I’d be calling the manager. So, expect an EU directive banning dynamic pricing coming to a Ticketmaster near you. Not in time for the foolish Oasis fans, however.
Liam, meanwhile, is adopting the Michael O’Leary approach to customer service, telling one complaining fan on social media to shut up. But don’t worry about Liam, as he is definitely not worrying about you. Should things get too much for the ‘aging rock star’ he can always retreat to his house in Manchester, as he likes to keep it real.
Just kidding! You might find Liam in this “magnificent Downton Abbey-style country mansion he’s renting for £19,000-a-month.” It is a grand Grade II-listed Victorian pile near Stroud in Gloucestershire.
My husband’s family is from Gloucestershire, sadly he didn’t come with the grand grade II listed Victorian pile, more fool me. But it’s a nice part of the world, no doubt about it. Stroud is also near Cheltenham which some readers might know from the horse racing, and the Cotswolds, an area of outstanding natural beauty. It’s the England you think of when you think of afternoon tea. I’ve been there myself a few times, including Burton on the Water. In fact, on one of our last trips back from Holyhead to London (always, torture) we stopped in the lovely village of Blockley, not too far from Stroud. Truly, you have to see these places to believe they exist.
Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yes Oasis. It is just reassuring to know that Liam is able to rent this pile that once hosted Queen Mary, despite his expensive divorce. “There’s a gym and sauna and even a meditation room dedicated to calm, silence and tranquillity.” I think it’s the fans that might need a room dedicated to calm, silence and tranquillity, once they’ve come to appreciate that they’ve been taken for mugs.