Irish people will have let out a huge sigh of collective relief this afternoon with the news that, amidst the unprecedented crisis afflicting the country, our best and brightest were assembling in the national legislature to come up with ideas to mitigate the worst of it for the people.

Until now, the Coronavirus epidemic has been managed mainly by the caretaker Government, with little to no input from TDs. There was reason to fear that some good ideas were being ignored because the elected windbags had not been given an opportunity to share their ideas with the public. So back they all trooped, this afternoon, to the Dáil chamber, and Green Party leader Eamon Ryan was quick out of the traps with his hot new plan:

I don’t know about you, dear reader, but personally, dying prematurely from Coronavirus might be more appealing that an autumn of eating Eamon Ryan’s watercress sandwiches.

Ryan has a habit, of course, of blabbing out something enormously stupid every now and again. It’s worth remembering that as bad as the crisis might be today, if we’d listened to Eamon Ryan for the last few years we’d all be walking around the countryside with no cars, evading roaming packs of wolves, terrified of the Coronavirus. But when we got home, we’d have a nice lettuce growing in the window.

And 10% of the people or so voted for him. Though, bless them, they were mainly young and foolish. They’ll grow out of it.

Meanwhile, here’s soon-to-be Senator Saoirse McHugh speculating that the crisis might not be that bad, if it gets rid of hedge funds:

That’s it, Saoirse. Always look on the bright side. Most private pensions in the country, as well as the national pension reserve fund, are invested in hedge funds, of course, but if they go, we can always invest them in cabbage seeds, or something.