Good luck to the unfortunate people of Wexford who for no discernible reasons are to acquire two new padel courts.
It was reported last month in the Wexford Weekly that “two new padel courts are currently being built in a Wexford location. Padel is a form of tennis that’s rapidly growing across Europe. In 2017, just three padel courts existed across all of Ireland. However, the growth of the sport across Ireland and Europe cannot be overstated. Now, 50 padel courts exist across Ireland, while the number is due to double by the end of this year.”
And what might I ask have we done to deserve this. “Padel is currently the fastest growing sport in Ireland. Padel is a racket sport that is always played in doubles on an enclosed court. It is much like a cross between tennis and squash where the ball can bounce off the glass wall or metallic mesh that surrounds the court. A padel game is usually played outdoors.”
Padel is not in fact a real sport. It is a grotesque imitation of the game of kings (tennis) in that it doesn’t require any skill, you can’t play singles and worst of all it is very loud. The fact that the place where it is played is a cage and looks very similar to what they use for MMA (also non – sport) says a lot.
Now, about the noise. I have complained elsewhere about the excessive amount of noise we inflict upon ourselves and others and ‘padel’ is another example. English towns and suburbs have also gone mad with the padel and decided that introducing this monstrous game is a good idea. It has been described as hearing a ‘bullet’ going right past you.
“When the best players play, I can only describe it as like a bullet going right by you,” says Nick Christou, whose garden is a few yards from two padel courts at Hazelwood sports club in Enfield, north London. We’ve lived here for 30 years and the tennis has never been a problem,” says his wife, Janet. It was after lockdown, the couple say, that the padel courts became oppressively busy. “Now we literally cannot use our garden,” says Christou. Mr Christou is now heading to court to protect the noise abatement notice that was issued by the council. And I say – good luck to your sir, defender of civilisation, relative peace and quiet and plain common decency.
As recently as 2011 there was just one padel court in the whole of the UK. Last year there were 450 and hundreds more are planned. Lord have mercy.
Why do people do this? Why does everything have to be dumbed down to the lowest common denominator? And why does everything have to be so damn noisy?
One of the reasons I had four children is so that when they are older they can play a perfect game of doubles. And what would you know – I had 2 boys and 2 girls. What excellent marksmanship! I also wanted a younger partner to be able to make up the ground behind me when I play doubles with them.
I know why people like padel tennis – even if they don’t admit it. It does not require the time or patience necessary to become even a half decent tennis player. Tennis is a very technical sport, one that is both physically and mentally demanding. And like golf it is the match you play against yourself in your head that is the hardest one of all.
Why some of my greatest moments have been on a tennis court and when I finally won the ladies singles competition in the year 2021 I felt like my work is done. Then there was the great comeback I staged with my teenage daughter in the doubles competition. One set and 4-1 one down in the second set we were. I remember very clearly being on Deuce and I said to myself I will be damned if we go down here. So we clawed our way back, all the way to take that second set 6 – 4, and clinched the third. The fact such a victory was with my teenage daughter made it special. We didn’t win the final the following week – but it was worth it.
Now I’m told padel – with its cage, noise, and ridiculous looking racket is the future. I say no. Do I need to quote Sir Roger Scruton again: “conservatism starts from a sentiment that all mature people can readily share: the sentiment that good things are easily destroyed, but not easily created.”
Tennis is one of those “good things.” And you’ll have to pry my tennis racket from my cold dead hands before I will ever play the nasty game of padel. And if they come for my local tennis court – Laydown and Bettystown tennis court as you ask – I’ll chain myself to the fence.
This ludicrous cheapening of all that is civilised must stop. I’m drawing a line in the clay court, right after the baseline. I say enough. Keep your padel racket to yourself – before I whack you over the head with it.