Yes, I know: we’re a Conservative news outlet, in favour of traditions, and opposed to all this airey-fairy liberal handwringing that’s taken over the country.
If we were on brand, I should really be calling for Puck fair to add a second goat to it’s annual display, possibly with the impaled heads of four other goats nearby to serve as a warning to the star of the show, should he think of trying to escape.
But not all traditions are worth keeping. Some serve no real purpose at all other than just being traditions, and therefore don’t warrant any special protection. This is one, frankly, we could do without:
Is IRELAND incapable of enforcing 'Animal Welfare Act 2013' legislation ?
Holding a goat captive in a restrictive metal cage hoisted on scaffolding in a heatwave, is SCANDALOUS ABUSE. @agriculture_ie @McConalogue @MichealMartinTD@LeoVaradkar @EamonRyanhttps://t.co/45CCTMCWGE— John (@JnOCallaghan) August 11, 2022
In deciding whether something is animal cruelty, a useful place to start is to ask whether we would consider it cruelty if it was done to a dog. Dogs are, after all, mans best friend, and we bear a special place for them in our culture, and in our hearts. So how would we react, then, if somebody put a dog in a cage, and hoisted it 40 feet into the air to be left there on the hottest days of summer?
It’s a tradition which, I think, were someone to try and start today, would be almost universally opposed.
It’s hard to quantify whether an animal is suffering: They cannot talk or tell us. But we can, I think, fairly surmise that no goat would choose to be locked in a cage suspended above cheering crowds for days on end. It is not hard to imagine that the experience would be stressful, unnatural, and distressing for any creature. The puck fair goat is, too, a wild animal: This is not a goat that has been reared in captivity, used to relaxing in cages or pens. The animal, we can, again, fairly surmise, believes itself to be captured, and cornered, and in danger. Deliberately inducing that state in a creature for the purposes of entertainment alone is, objectively, cruel. And needlessly cruel.
Because slaughterhouses, of course, are also stressful and distressing for animals. But at least in those cases, the stress and distress, which we aim to minimise, serves a purpose in terms of food production. The poor suspended goat, on the other hand, is being stressed solely for the purposes of entertainment, and satisfying a sense of tradition.
And there’s no good reason to ditch the goat from the fair altogether: “King Puck” can still be part of the show – perhaps an even more integral part of the show – if he were granted a bit of space, and shelter, and room to wander around on the ground, and if instead of capturing a wild goat, they used one reared for the purpose. Children might be able to see him, more easily. The annual negative publicity would go away. There might even be a positive story or two about the humanitarian concerns of the festival organisers.
This is, at the end of the day, a tradition without any real merit. That statement may well annoy some readers, especially those of you from Killorglin, but it’s true. The goat does not add to the festival, or to people’s enjoyment: And if you’re from Killorglin, and you think I’m wrong, then I’d invite you to write a counterargument to this piece, which I’ll happily publish: Headline: “Why I just couldn’t enjoy Puck fair without the suspended goat”.
We shouldn’t of course, just change things for the sake of changing things: There are three categories, roughly, of tradition: Those which serve no really obvious point at all, but which are totally harmless – like kissing the blarney stone, or getting polluted drunk on a “Stag” or “Hen” party before a wedding. Then there are those which may be harmless or harmful, but do serve an important role in society, like climbing Croagh Patrick on reek Sunday, an activity which has cost a number of people their lives in recent years but is a vital part of Irish Christian tradition. Or Horse Racing, which many people see as cruel, but provides genuine enjoyment to thousands of people and has resulted in advancements in horse welfare.
Then there is the third: The tradition that nobody can really explain, provides no obvious benefit to anybody, and that causes actual harm to a living thing. Putting a goat in a cage in blistering heat is the perfect example of that third kind. It should be done away with.