My on-going obsession with male attire has caused a barney in the comments section of the last thing I wrote on the topic. When I say “barney” I mean 17 comments. But the debate was intense, let me tell you.
But this is not a frivolous matter. Bear with me as I explain why.
As readers know, I continue to lose sleep over Virgin TV presenter Kieran Cuddihy’s point blank refusal to wear a tie (he is not the only villain) while presenting his talky television show. There are plenty of other complaints I have about that show, but we shall park those for now.
Call me a psycho, or call me unhinged – but deep down I know I am right. I was lying awake at night wondering what was it that annoys me so much about this tie – free fandango and then it hit me.
It is not so much about the tie, actually. It is about the outright and brazen breach of the rules of decorum and etiquette, and how standards start to slip in a society with the small things.
Mr Cuddihy wears a dark suit and lighter blue shirt. So far, so good. These are actually my favourite colours – see my on-going obsession with Tory MP Robert Jenrick. If a man is wearing a suit and shirt then he must wear a tie. They are the rules. The suit and shirt calls for a tie.
Look, if you men do not wish to wear a tie (even though the occasion calls for it) then do not wear a suit and shirt. Wear a casual, smart shirt instead, if you will excuse the oxymoron.
Personally I think if you are the leader of a political party or presenting a serious political show you should wear the full suit, shirt and tie combination. However what you absolutely should not do is wear the suit and shirt and just not bother with the tie. This is not acceptable. If you decide to wear just a t- shirt then don’t bother talking to me at all as I am not interested in anything you have to say. I am serious about that: Your clothing and attire tells me how important I am to you. If you were a salesman coming to my house to sell something, you would wear a tie. You would not rock up in a hoodie and expect me to consider you trustworthy.
Some people might say, Laura, wind your neck in, get a life, surely this is a first world problem? Yes it is and obeying the rules is what makes us first world people. It is what makes us civilised.
For instance, when I go to afternoon tea in the Landmark in London or indeed the Westbury in Dublin and I am enjoying my overpriced teeny – tiny cucumber sandwiches (without crusts) and scones I will surely be served my tea in a cup and saucer. Wedgewood preferably. If I was sitting there and instead the waitress brought over all the yummy things, the pot of tea and then offered me some huge mug without a saucer I’d be cross. In fact I would be incandescent with rage and I’d have a word with the manager. No, I do not want to drink my afternoon tea from a Vote number 1 Gerry Hutch mug. I need a cup and saucer. Them’s the rules. A mug would ruin the entire experience.
This is exactly the same thing as drinking your beer straight from the bottle and ‘not bothering’ with a glass. What I object to is Lauren Cooper – isation of life. Everyone, everywhere no longer seems ‘bothered’ by standards.
So the presenter of a political show can’t be bothered to wear a tie, even though he is wearing a suit and shirt. And the women can’t be bothered with a cup and saucer with their afternoon tea and the men can’t be bothered to drink their beer from a glass. (Just don’t start me on women drinking beer. Please, someone make it stop.)
Before you know it you are dropping the children off to school wearing pyjamas and wearing a hoodie and leggings to mass. It’s the slow drip, drip I object to. The inevitable, the inexorable slide towards the bottom.
Eventually, you are swimming in a sea not just of open collar horror but indecency and outright degeneracy that is a Pride March.
Now before I go on, I will accept – as some in the comments said – that having standards in attire does not necessarily mean having moral standards. I hate to use a Nazi analogy but it is true that no soldier shone his shoes brighter nor wore his Swastika styled uniform shaper than your average Nazi soldier. It didn’t matter whether they were loading Jews into the cattle cars bound for Auschwitz or marching down the Champs-Élysées, they looked smart. Evil but smart. This just means that having standards is necessary if not sufficient requirement for basic decency.
Don’t believe me on how quickly the rot can set in. I’ll hand over to Tommy from the Crown.
“It is in the small things that the rot starts.” Amen.
Sir Alan (Tommy) Lascell by the way, is the master of the bloodless kill. The way he dispatches with Peter Townsend is effortless.
The thing is, they just don’t make men like Tommy Lascelles anymore. Or to give him his full title, Sir Alan Frederick “Tommy” Lascelles, GCB, GCVO, CMG, MC. Lascelles served in France with the Bedfordshire Yeomanry during the First World War, where he rose to the rank of captain and was awarded the Military Cross. He served as Private Secretary to both King George VI and Queen Elizabeth II. You’ll have to excuse my shocking West-Britishness there. I was having a moment. The point is, you do not have to be a Knight of the Realm to have standards. We all can stop the rot.
Ties with suits, cups with saucers, glasses while drinking beer, taking your husband’s surname upon marriage, having children after marriage. You get the picture. It is in the small things that the rot starts. That’s all I’m saying.