At the end of October, football legend Paul Scholes, undoubtedly one of the best players of his generation, announced he was quitting his punditry career to take care of his son, who is non-verbal and has severe autism.
It was the former Manchester United player’s chat during the Stick to Football podcast that prompted an outpouring of support for Scholes. The episode has over one million views, with the comments flooded with support for the footballing great.
Scholes, 50, told the Stick to Football podcast that he could not break a routine that he shares with his former wife Claire which sees them both care separately for Aiden, 20, three nights a week each, with Claire’s mother taking him on the remaining night.
Scholes is to be admired – as he is being – for so openly discussing the issues which face his son – and his family – as he opened up to former team-mates Roy Keane and Gary Neville, as well as Jill Scott and Ian Wright, about what his life looks for caring for his autistic adult son. There’s such love and goodness in what he says, and how he says it, that you could listen to him talk about his son all day.
The Manchester United great also recalled what things had looked like down through the years, as his former teammate Gary Neville remembered Scholes arriving at training with scratches caused by son Aiden’s frustration – something that he felt unable to explain.
“He’d bite your arm or scratch you,” said Scholes. “It was simply just out of frustration for him. He didn’t understand things. He couldn’t tell you how he was feeling.
“It’s f—— hard, especially when they’re young,” he admitted.
Scholes explained how Aiden was diagnosed with the condition aged two and a half, as remembered how Thursday nights were particularly hard to be away from his son.
“I never got a break from it [even when playing]. It was very hard in those days … I don’t think they [doctors] diagnosed it until he was 2½ years old. But you knew early something was wrong. Then you get the diagnosis of autism, and I’d never heard of it. Then all of a sudden you start seeing everything, I don’t know if it just subconsciously happens, I don’t know,” he said.”
Scholes told the podcast: “I made a decision this year because of Aiden and his special needs. All the work I do now is just around his routines and he has quite a strict routine every single day. I just decided everything I’m going to do is around Aiden.
Scholes, who split with his ex-wife in 2020 after 27 years together, and with whom he shares two other children, who do not have the condition, said: “Me and Claire are not together anymore so we have him three nights each and Claire’s mum has him on a Friday night. We always do the same things with him. He won’t know what day of the week it is or what time it is. But he’ll know from what we’re doing what day it is.”
He explained how Aiden has daycare for four hours a day, adding that he picks him up every Tuesday from the daycare, and the pair go swimming.
“He loves it. We have his pizza on the way home. Thursday, I pick him up, go for something to eat, go home. On a Sunday, I pick him up from Claire’s house and we go to Tesco, where he buys a trolley full of chocolate. So, he doesn’t know what day it is or what time it is, but he knows from what we’re doing [what day it is]. He’ll be 21 in December.”
Scholes recently posted about Aiden and his condition to mark World Autism Day, adding that he will keep doing so to provide hope and support to other parents in his position.
The podcast is a reminder that everyone has a story, even if they don’t necessarily share it. It probably struck a chord with a lot of people when Scholes said that at the time, when he was a top player and worried about his son, he didn’t see much value in sharing his problems.
“I don’t want sympathy or anything,” he said. “I just thought even if I did speak to someone about it, it’s not going to help Aiden. I don’t think it would have helped me. The big concern now is because you’re getting a bit older – 50 years of age, he’s 20 – what happens when you’re not here? That’s the thing that’s on my mind now all the time.
“There are times when it’s not in your head, it’s like anything, then there’s certain times when […] you do start speaking about it, it’s at the front of your mind,” he said.
“As a Father, that was one of the most inspirational 15 mins of podcast content I’ve watched. Hero on the pitch, bigger hero off it,” one commentator said. Others agreed that Scholes’s words and his earnestness hit hard.
Explaining how things are now, Scholes told the podcast that “everything I’m going to do now just works around him [Aiden].”
“I do studio work, but everything is built around his day,” he said.
“Last season on Thursday nights I’d do the Europa League for United. That’s the night I’d usually have him, so he was getting all agitated, biting and scratching. He knows the pattern isn’t there straight away. And I did that for years really, always thinking I’ve got to stop this at some point, so I had the chance to do the podcast and I thought that would suit me more, Well not me, [it would suit] Aiden.”
Scholes is being widely lauded for his honesty. It’s good for people to be affirmed in the truth of the reality that life can be very difficult. There are so many parents of children, including adult children who have complex special needs, and as many said in response to the interview, it can be hard to talk about things and let people know that at times, life can be very difficult.
There’s a selflessness to all of it, and a humility that you rarely see. At the end of the day, we are all human. We can achieve great things, but everyone has a story and a struggle – and simply being a decent person is underrated. It’s a simple story, but it’s had a big impact on people because no, not all men are toxic. Not all men are awful, and there are many good men out there keeping their heads down. The whole concept of toxic masculinity which asserts that specifically male behaviours are a problem, is really fashionable. But at the end of the day, being protective, being strong, and being courageous are good and necessary things in a man and necessary for being a parent.
Scholes is also the blueprint of a good man, a great dad and parent, when we don’t really hear from dads. We live in a time when children are desperate for their fathers to rise to the occasion, and when less and less kids have a decent dad in their lives. Boys in particular, as we know and the research shows, need and crave male mentors.
To see someone like Scholes speak so honestly and openly about his son, as a gift and not as a burden, and his responsibility towards him, is inspiring. His honesty will help people immensely. In an age not only of increasing fatherlessness, but one where human life has become increasingly disposable – where politicians and campaigners so openly advocate for things like euthanasia because the implication is that as you get older or sicker or less useful, you are less valuable and less wanted – his advocacy on behalf of his vulnerable son is moving. We need more strong men like Scholes. Judging by the positive reaction, father figures may even be making a comeback.