As many readers know, I moved to Ireland with the whole family after living in London for twenty years. That was a bit stressful I can tell you – finding the house and the schools for the four children and all the rest.
But I have decided that Ireland is not for me so I am moving the entire family lock, stock and barrel to Nigeria and joining the Igbo. I have decided that I identify as Igbo.
I have done my research and have come to the conclusion that I absolutely can just rock on up to some Igbo tribe, plant my bottom there and boom, that makes me Igbo. That’s all it takes, right? In fact I am not going to even ask.
I am just going to arrive and make various demands on whatever passes for the social welfare system there which will include housing and educating the children. That’s how it works in Ireland so I’m pretty sure that’s how it goes in Nigeria.
Britiannica tells me that “Igbo, people living chiefly in southeastern Nigeria who speak Igbo, a language of the Benue-Congo branch of the Niger-Congo language family. The Igbo may be grouped into the following main cultural divisions: northern, southern, western, eastern or Cross River, and northeastern. Before European colonization, the Igbo were not united as a single people but lived in autonomous local communities. By the mid-20th century, however, a sense of ethnic identity was strongly developed, and the Igbo-dominated Eastern region of Nigeria tried to unilaterally secede from Nigeria in 1967 as the independent nation of Biafra.”
That resulted in a brutal civil war fought between the government and the secessionist state of Biafra killing an estimated 1 million people, mostly in the south-east. But I’ll take my chances.
I feel I know quite a lot about Igbo culture as I have read all the books by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie who was born into an Igbo family in Enugu, Nigeria. I feel I can just Igbo it up all over the place having read The Purple Hibiscus, Half a Yellow Sun, Americana and her latest, Dream Count. They are all great and full of small details about Igbo life so I will fit right in.
The Igbo, I assume, will be delighted to have me because there is nothing better than diversity. And my four children with their blonde hair, blue eyes and odd English/Irish accents will certainly add some diversity. I also expect that whatever counts as advertisers over there will be just falling over themselves to have my white, blonde haired, blue eyed children as the face of the new Igbo advertisement campaign. And if anyone says, hang on, they don’t actually look very Igbo that person, say an uppity chieftain, should be given The Treatment immediately.
In sum, he shall be labelled as far- right by the Igbo Times, the Igbo Independent, Gary Lineker and shunned from all good society.
I don’t think I will bother to learn the Igbo language and nor should I have to. Because as I have said before – and Lord knows I will say it again – diversity is our strength. I’ll just barge around the village compound speaking English very loudly and conduct video calls on public transport also very loudly without ear phones.
When I googled, can you become Igbo, for my new life the AI overview came back with the following: “Becoming Igbo is not a matter of simple choice or a legal process like naturalization. It’s primarily an ethnic identity tied to lineage and cultural heritage. While anyone can learn about Igbo culture and language, becoming Igbo in the traditional sense involves being born into an Igbo family or through marriage and adhering to Igbo customs and traditions.”
Not a matter of choice or legal process? What far-right nonsense is this? I don’t want to just learn about Igbo culture and language and I want to become Igbo. Also being born into an Igbo family all sounds a bit ethno-nationalistic to me. It being dependent on lineage is downright fascist. Ethnic identity? Whoever heard of such a thing? Hitler – that’s who.
In fact, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie called for unity at a Nigerian literature festival last month. “We must unite:” Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s rallying cry at Nigerian literature festival. Author’s keynote speech calls for preservation of Igbo worldview, culture and traditions amid separatist movement turning increasingly violent.” As reported in the Guardian.
I find this a very interesting development indeed. If our very own Niamh Uí Bhriain for instance got up at an Irish literature festival calling for unity and the preservation of the Irish worldview, culture and traditions, I don’t think that would be received very well. In, fact it wouldn’t even happen.
A proposed festival celebrating Irishness was in fact cancelled two days ago. The ‘Mise Éire Festival’ was planned for August 23, in the Mayflower Community Hall in Drumshanbo, Co Leitrim but has since been cancelled after the venue came under pressure from the self-appointed Big Brother group who believe they can determine who gets to say what and where, aka Leitrim and Roscommon against Fascism. Their leader was delighted with the win.
This was after the usual list of craven luvies labelled it far – right and called for its cancellation. So much for free speech. On the list of those who demanded the Mise Éire Festival be cancelled was the oh, so edgy, sticking it to the man, Kneecap. Shocked, I was, when I heard the rebellious lads conformed to the usual hysterical mainstream line on immigration. Shocked.
But I digress! Back to someone who has actual talent, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, and what she said at the Nigerian literature festival that called for preservation of Igbo worldview, culture and traditions. “Adichie was making the keynote speech at the closing ceremony of the inaugural Things Fall Apart festival, which celebrates the 67th anniversary of the release of the seminal novel by Chinua Achebe.”
I have not read Things Fall Apart from Chinua Achebe but I presume the title is taken from that WB Yeats poem I do not like and is quoted too often. But Yates was Irish. You see! Diversity all over the place! Igbo writer quotes an Irish poet. We are just one big human family.
Iheanyi Igboko, the centre’s executive director, explained the festival’s significance. ‘Things Fall Apart is not just a book,” he said. “It is a mirror, a declaration of identity, and a provocation. It represents the Igbo worldview and African traditions – and still challenges us today.’
Adichie’s presence was part of her book tour for her new novel Dream Count – her first in over a decade – which tells the story of four women grappling with questions around love and identity.
Her speech focused on the preservation of the Igbo language, culture and identity – just as Achebe did with Things Fall Apart almost seven decades ago.”
You see what is not to like about the Igbo? They are an ethnic group, they are permitted to be an ethnic group, and they can hold festivals celebrating the Igbo language, culture and identity. And I bet that culture is not dominated by Americana.
So there we are. I will read Things Fall Apart while on holiday in preparation for the big move to the Igbo village in Nigeria. And if some chieftain dares say, actually you can’t become Igbo just on your say so and no, we are not putting you up in the village accommodation usually reserved for visitors at our own personal cost, then I will be suing said chieftain in whatever is their equivalent of the European Court of Human Madness.
I will tell him that that kind of talk is fascist and far-right and that Kneecap, Christy Moore and the entire team at the Irish Times do not take kindly to that kind of chat. Not at all. So please refrain from making those arguments. If said chieftain continues with his fascism and ‘celebration of Igbo culture’ I’ll get on the Twitter and have him cancelled. Pronto.
So I’m off to become some sort of Nigerian-Igbo princess and if anyone says don’t be so ridiculous Laura, you know what you can do with your fascism and that’s that.