Ask an average person to explain what yesterday’s embarrassing fracas in their national parliament was actually about, and you would hope that they might struggle to explain it to you. You would hope that they have better things to be doing with their lives than understanding the specific rules around Oireachtas speaking time.
The public do care about politics, of course. They might care that their children cannot get a teacher because the national shortage of teachers is now in its third year. Or they might care about a relative who has spent night after night in undignified conditions on a hospital trolly because no matter how foreseeable the annual trolly crisis is, the €25billion-funded HSE has never been able to solve it. Or they might care about how their son or daughter is emigrating because they cannot find a home in Ireland. They might care about their pension, or their tax bill, or the fact that diesel is heading for €2 a litre.
The opposition parties demonstrated something yesterday: They demonstrated that when they really want to, they can kick up a real row. A proper ruckus. They can – in the words of an elderly man I overheard yesterday – “turn the whole thing into a circus”. They can ruin Meehawl Martin’s big day and frustrate all the lads who were lined up to become Ministers.
Which means that the public are entitled to ask a basic question: Where was this fight when it was our priorities on the line?
If you don’t know, let me tell you what yesterday’s fight was about: In essence, television time. The opposition were annoyed that some Independent TDs who are formally backing the Government would nevertheless be allowed to sit on opposition benches and get speaking time as if they were regular independent opposition TDs. This drives opposition TDs mad because they are worried that the voters at home, watching television, might not realise that Danny Healy-Rae is a now a feckless Government TD instead of a heroic Opposition TD because he’s still sitting in the same place. When you turn on your telly, you, the stupid voter, might not know that because he hasn’t changed seats.
That, in short, was what the row was about.
The opposition parties are very annoyed about the potential “visuals” on television of Danny Healy Rae (who is my example here) questioning a Minister about why drunk driving can’t be legalised for Kerry people from across the chamber, as if he was some kind of heroic rebel, when he’s actually supporting that Minister. They think he should sit behind the Minister, so the public can see he is part of the Government. They care very much about this, enough to kick off one of the biggest rows in Oireachtas history.
If ever there was a day that summed up the gulf between the politicians, and the public, this was surely it.
Lest you think that I am only firing at the opposition here, a word about the Government and their “big day” being spoiled. Virgin Media news had a report yesterday evening from Nemo Rangers, where various people – who appeared all to be in their 60s – had assembled to celebrate the big day of Micheál Martin, who was to become Taoiseach for the second time. There was a woman with a perm and a man in a GAA jersey. Their disappointment was immeasurable, not because of any issue of policy or politics, but because the big day for the parish had been spoiled and “it was a shame for the entire Martin family”.
Yesterday was to be a day of pure ceremonial celebration at the taxpayer’s expense. Meehawl was to be nominated, then he was to get in his big new black car and go to see the President, then he was to come back and be carried into the Dáil to shouts of “yahoo” and “hup ya boy ya”. Then he was to appoint some Ministers, who would get their seals of office and return to Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael pubs across Ireland to get their own shoulder-high hoisting and their own shouts of yahoo and hup ya boy ya. Then the Dáil was to adjourn for a few weeks, before any work was done, to give everyone time to recover.
All the while, the 700 people would remain on their trollies. And the schools would remain without teachers.
One side annoyed about television time and how things look. The other side annoyed because their the-parish-won-the-county-final style celebrations were interrupted. A Ceann Comhairle in the middle of it all, entirely out of her depth, and in the chair only because of the grubbiest and most shoddy of political deals.
I would say, dear reader, that we all deserve better.
But in actual fact, these are the people, and the standards, that you voted for. Enjoy it. Because it doesn’t get any better than this.