There was a lovely segment of Ireland AM yesterday where a viewer rang in sharing a powerful but simple idea for tackling loneliness this Christmas.
The man, probably in his sixties, recalled speaking to an older man some years ago who broke down in tears because Christmas had come and gone, and he had not received a single Christmas card.
The caller told the programme:
“One of the loneliest sights I’ve seen in the barber shop in 52 years […] So shortly after Christmas, maybe the first week back in January. [The man] lived on his own and he said “Paddy, well, you know what happened to me this Christmas?” And he burst out crying and he said, “I never got one Christmas card.” And I was looking at this man in his late 60s, early 70s, crying like a child.”
The man continued: “If all of us sent one Christmas card to someone who lives alone – we all know someone who lives alone – and kindness has a long memory. That person might have been nice to us when we were young, or they might be a neighbour, or they might be round the corner, or they might be in a nursing home.
“If we all sent one or two Christmas cards to people living on their own. Can you imagine if that person living on their own heard the letter box clicking? – going to the door and seeing the card on the ground. We’re all babies in big clothes. They’d be picking up the card and they’d be saying, ‘Who sent me this card?’ And they’d be opening the card with child-like excitement. And wouldn’t it be lovely to bring a bit of daylight into a dark corner of someone’s day? If we all sent one or two or three Christmas cards only to people living on their own, I think that would be lovely for all of us.”
What a wonderful and sincere sentiment. It’s easy to look at the news and get consumed and worn down by the events going on around us. It’s hard sometimes not to get caught up in the negativity and the gloom and to think of all the things that are wrong. It wears us down and it makes us miserable, while a lot of the noise involves things we can’t humanly change ourselves. But it is easily within our power to brighten up those around us, through really simple things like this man suggested. Something as simple as sending a Christmas card.
It’s easy to think Christmas cards have had their day. People often grumble that they are not worth the time to send – the price of stamps is too costly, the postal strikes are endless, while the miserable eco-warriors will complain that they’re not good for the environment. Why not just send a text or a whatsapp? It’s easier, cheaper, and does the same thing. To this end, I suppose, no, Christmas cards don’t logically make sense.
But there are some traditions, dying as they are, that we should not be ready to let go off just yet. And sending Christmas cards is one of them. There are simply a great number of older people in particular who no doubt miss receiving something through the post at this time of year. The emotional draw of the simple gesture of sending a card is still there.
In a study from the Spring, Ireland was deemed “the loneliest place in Europe” due to the findings of an EU survey which charted feelings of loneliness across the bloc. The European average is 13 per cent, but in Ireland, 20 per cent of people said they feel lonely. Charities like Alone have urged the public to try and do their bit to lessen loneliness for older people this year.
In a recent article, the older persons’ charity said it expects to deliver over a thousand Christmas dinners to older people throughout the country.
“There are thousands of older people who’ll be the life and soul of the Christmas festivities this year, in their families and communities. But for some, that knock on the door from an ALONE volunteer might be the only visit they get this Christmas,” the statement said.
The charity has made over 18,000 calls to older people since October alone, amid what it describes as a “loneliness epidemic” in Ireland that is not easing.
“We are the fastest ageing population in Europe and that makes Ireland’s older people the fastest growing age group. We are living longer, healthier lives but ageing is not the same for all.”
“57% of the older people we assessed report feeling lonely, and that’s especially acute at Christmas. The best way to share your warmth is to look in on an older neighbour, make sure they’re safe, warm and comfortable, and remember that our National Support and Referral Line – 0818 222 024 – is open from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. every day, including over Christmas,” the article added.
The truth is that we will never know the impact of a single knock at the door, a single phone call, or a single Christmas card on someone who is on their own. Or who might need it. Christmas is a lonely time for many, infused with nostalgia. A card is a small way to let people know that they are still thought of, and receiving a card means a great deal to many. It’s a tangible connection and it’s so simple.
Even if we’re not bothering with cards this year, it’s still a great idea, as the caller says, to send one or two to people living on their own. I’m grateful for the reminder because I’ll admit being too caught up in my own Christmas plans, what outfit to wear for Christmas drinks with the girls, when my parcels from Amazon will land on the doorstep, all the people to fit into seeing during time at home. The world we live in tends to gear our brains towards entertainment and self-indulgence at this time of year. I didn’t for a second think of the handful of older people I know who would probably enjoy a card.
While the hassle and cost of sending cards at a time of year so hectic seems more like a pro than a con, a card is a visible way to let someone know that you are thinking of them. Moreover, maybe the person you’re thinking of really needs that. And for that, it’s totally worth it.