There is a clip doing the rounds on the Twitter/X featuring a blonde woman saying how ‘she is forced to work,’ forced to get a higher education and how she would much rather be a stay-at-home mother.
It was part of a debate that took place in Oct 2024 organised by the Free Press on Gen Z Liberals and Conservatives. The entire debate is over 1 hour long and the relevant clip is only 1:46 mins. However, this clip has been viewed over 386.4K times and has been pushed by some conservative outlets, one tweeting, “We need more women with an attitude like this.”
Here’s my answer: No, we absolutely do not.
The young woman in question says, “I would love to be a stay at home mom. I would love to live on the homestead and go milk my cow and take the eggs out of the chicken coop and have a toddler on the hip and another in the belly. But I can’t do that.” This is the trad-wife fantasy I have long been suspicious of.
She continues, “Because the way the economy works I am forced to work and I am forced to get an education and a college degree.”
(Relevant discussion at 21 mins.)
So before I get going I want to say first, that I have huge sympathy for Generation Z, especially in the United States. If they want to get a degree, and for any higher profession they must, they are saddled with eye-watering levels of debt. Debt that I did not have to take on and would leave me emotionally crippled. I think this is a scandal and should be reformed. Generation Z are also subject to a serious housing crisis and in the US they do not have even basic health insurance. Therefore, as a category Generation Z have my sympathy.
However, I do object to the notion that this young woman would really prefer to be out of her clean office, smart clothes and instead not just your average stay-at-home mom but to go the whole hog and all the way to the trad-wife fantasy. Her dream in life is to be “on the homestead” and that she would be happy doing the entire cow milking fandango, all while having a toddler on the hip and one on the way. These trad wives have a lot to answer for. This to me, is the right-wing version of the feminist girl boss: unpleasant, extreme and based on a social media fantasy.
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I’ve got news for this young woman: most people must work for food. Surely, that is conservatism 101. No one owes you a living.
There was then a discussion as to whether marrying young is a good idea – clearly it is not. This is another bonkers idea that seems to be gaining traction in conservative circles; let’s return to the good old days and marry them young, say under 25. This, to put it bluntly, is nuclear grade foolishness. Conservatives should not be promoting the idea of very young marriage (under 25) as most people under the age of 25 are clueless. Think back to your 23 – year – old self. Did you like it? Was there room for improvement? Exactly. And don’t start lecturing me on the collapsing fertility. I got married at 28, and still managed to produce four future tax slaves. This misty eyed memory of marrying them young is just that; misty, vague and not based on clear thinking.
Young woman then says forcefully ‘being a single working woman absolutely sucks. It’s the worst thing ever, I hate it. I would go back to the 1950s in a second just so I wouldn’t have to deal with this shit.’ Cry me a river. The worst thing ever? Really? Worse than being a woman in Afghanistan? Or Sudan? She needs to wind her neck in.
First, you young lady would not be going back to the 1950s. You were never there in the first place, and neither was I, and it was a once in a century aberration. No country is going to experience a post war economic boom that meant that the average American family could survive on a single income. It’s never going to happen again – it’s time to deal with reality. Also the 1950s gave us the baby boomers, not a generation we want to repeat in a hurry.
What I object to is the naivety and immense sense of entitlement this woman has. She has either been watching too much SATC or Bridget Jones or indeed old Disney classics. She seems to wants to live in some kind of Sleeping Beauty world.
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(Sleeping Beauty – not real.)
I have been a quasi stay-at-home mother for 15 years, and I can tell you it is no picnic. I have frozen in the winter in the playground and roasted in the summer in the wendy house. I’d say I have changed at least 1000 nappies. Why, just the other day my three-year-old son informed me that I did not wipe his bottom to the appropriate standard of cleanliness. That’s gratitude for you. Would I do it again? Yes in a flash. But I tell you what I did not do as a single working woman – walk around saying being a single working woman absolutely sucks. Because it didn’t. Not even the house share sucked, although it had its moments.
Young women should not be trashing the idea of being a working woman because, you know what, most people have to work. Even if you do get married, and I recommend it, and have a couple of children, which I also recommend, you don’t know what could happen. Maybe your husband will drop dead of a heart attack. Who is going to buy you a cow to milk then? If you are secretly relying on some old peddler man coming along and giving you some magic beans for it I suggest you get a hold of yourself.
Perhaps your hubby will trade you in for a newer model. Perhaps one of your children will have special needs and you need a second income to cover the cost. That’s the point, you have no clue what will happen in the future so just complaining that you had to work for a few years before your Prince Charming comes along makes you look shallow, whiney and entitled. Which is perhaps contributing to the fact that you still find yourself single.
Listen, I encourage young women to go husband hunting. I’m on record as saying that. But I also suggest you be realistic, and don’t open with ‘I want to get married, have lots of children and never work ever again in my life. Also, I’d like a homestead with a few hundred acres.’ STOP WATCHING TIK-TOK, it’s shrinking your brain! If you open with that line, he’ll be making a quick exit because that’s a lot of pressure to put on the young men these days.
Do you know what makes it more likely that you will be able to stay-at-home with your children when they are small instead of dumping them in a nursery for hours on end? Working before you have them. That means you can save which gives you the option of being able to stay at home in the homestead and whip up an omelette with your toddler using the eggs from the chicken coup (give me strength) should it all work out.
This all just comes down to common sense, having realistic expectations and not being a nincompoop. Take a life lesson from Mr Knightley from Jane Austen’s classic, Emma. Mr Knightley discovers that Emma has selfishly torpedoed Harriet’s chances of marriage to Robert Martin the farmer. Harriet refused the offer, on Emma’s direction. Knightley explains that the advantage of the match was entirely on Harriet’s side and concludes with the universal truth: “Men of sense do not want silly wives.”
Amen. Therefore, a word of advice. Running around the internet bellyaching that the ‘economy makes me work’ makes you look very silly indeed. Reality makes you work, and if conservatism is about anything it is about dealing with reality.
The young lady’s other complaint was that the “faceless corporations” do not care about their employees, unlike the imaginary super wealthy husband who can afford to keep the trad-wife on the homestead.
Sorry to be cynical here but she might want to head over to Mumsnet some time and see what the husbands are capable of. It’s all there – affairs while the wife is knocked up, running off with the secretary, simply leaving when a baby comes along (that’s very popular). If the husband pulls this trick – and they do – wife is not even given a notice period. Whereas the ‘evil corporation’ must give you a notice period if it wants to fire you.
And what’s more ‘evil corporation’ will actually pay you for your hard work, whereas there are many a husband willing to take advantage of wifey back home exploiting her for cooking, cleaning and childcare. My favourite is when a wife leaves or dies and within a year hubby lines up some sucker willing to take on his children and care for them for free, without getting married. Honestly, the lies people tell themselves.
Anyway, the overall message is woman up. Being a stay-at-home mother can be great, but if you plan on it being the only thing you will ever do, don’t expect men to be knocking your door down and asking for your hand.
That’s just some sage advice from your Aunty Laura.