My phone has been hopping, this morning. Ken, from the Barbie movie, was on my old mobile phone and he is demanding that my boss, John, gives him his pink ensemble back. It seems John was rummaging through Ken’s wardrobe looking for something to wear on his big night out at Virgin TV and chose something very pink. Too pink, if you ask me:
Look, when I say – as I once did – that real men wear pink, I fear John may have misunderstood me. I do not and did not mean that real men should wear all of the pink they ever owned. It’s a pink shirt or a pink tie but not both at the same time all finished off with a pink (ish – ed) jacket. This is especially the case where the tie shines as bright as the sun, which if you have ever been under studio lights, one learns the hard way is never a good idea.
But listen, don’t get me wrong. This was an improvement from when John wore just a t- shirt when he interviewed the leader of Aontú Peadar Tóibín. Didn’t John have time that morning to get the dark suit out? Mind you Mr Tóibín in that interview was sporting that look I hate almost as much as hoodies, the open necked shirt with no tie which was started by that wretched Prime Minister Tony Blair. I complained about both at the time.
So I was indeed pleasantly surprised to see John wear his Malibu Barbie pink tie on Wednesday night with jacket. Even the Sinn Fein politician who sat beside him and whose name I do not need to know was wearing my favourite of all – a dark suit and tie. He looked quite fetching. That means that only the presenter Kieran Cuddihy did not wear a tie, yet again. Despite me having called him out on it before. If I was paranoid I would say he now does it on purpose, just to annoy me. But I know Mr Cuddihy will crack one day, and he will wear a tie with his suit as God and I intended, and it shall be my finest victory. My work here on this fair Isle will be done.
Because goodness knows I’ve done a great job over the water. I like to believe that Laura Perrins – who has been banging this drum for years on both sides of the Irish sea – is single handedly responsible for the astonishing makeover that is the Shadow Home Secretary Robert Jenrick MP. Never heard of him before? Well ladies, and men who are interested in attracting ladies, pull up a chair and listen to what your old Aunty Laura has to say. But first, just watch. And keep the drooling to a minimum, if you can.
I haven’t seen a makeover this good since Julia Roberts went shopping in Beverly Hills with Edward Lewis and his credit card in Pretty Woman 35 years ago this year.
I have a confession to make. I wake up early every morning before the children to write. And the first thing I like to check out is the Twitter feed of Robert Jenrick MP. Not just for his politics, either. I don’t care – judge away.
In truth it is not just what Jenrick has done such as collaring fare dodgers or taking on Islamists gangs in prisons that gets me up in the morning, though that certainly helps. I also like to know what he is wearing.
Loyal readers will know that I have long extolled the virtues of men wearing a suit and tie and have mourned the virtual collapse in standards particularly in men’s attire everywhere from airports to the House of Commons. I have done so in print in every publication for which I have ever written, including a few that were likely read by Robert Jenrick. Perhaps the message finally hit home.
Therefore I am taking the credit for the unbelievably sharp dressing that is now showcased by Jenrick. Sure, he had to go casual for his fare dodging exercise but I will let that one pass. You will note that not a single fare dodger was wearing a suit and tie by the way. Trustworthy people wear those. Fare dodgers do not.
If you don’t believe me – go through Jenrick’s Twitter feed. It is not a coincidence that the man is talking sense on everything from crime to the Attorney General comparing Tories and Reform to Nazis while looking sharp. The two are linked. Sharp dressing encourages sharp thinking which is why most socialists are slobs.
Robert Jenrick likes a navy suit. He wears his navy suit with a blue tie, a beige tie and sometimes a pink tie. It all looks great on him.
Jenrick has confessed to using the popular weight-loss drug Ozempic to help with the makeover to which I say, so what? The transformation has been so successful that if you told me that in fact there is a painting of Robert Jenrick MP in his attic with all kinds of nasty things happening to it, I’d believe you.
The point is that conservative men (all men, really) should wear a suit and tie. The quicker we can bury this ludicrous open collar and tie-free look, ushered in by Tony Blair, the better. It was only ever done for PR reasons anyway as Peter Mannion in the Thick of It can attest to. He was forever being harassed over wearing a tie.
In the meantime enjoy the Twitter feed of Robert Jenrick MP. I certainly have.