I was personally victimized by the fallout of the ‘green agenda’ this morning.
A fundamental violation of trust took place – the primordial trust that exists between adult Irish children and our mammies in their fundamental duty to provide us with cups of tea.
Shortly after the satisfactory provision of my early morning Earl Gray it was time for installment two of tea.
I drank the cup of ordinary breakfast tea with the feeling that it somehow tasted ‘thick’ or ever so slightly ‘chalky’ in a way that was subtle enough not to warrant comment.
Perhaps I was being polite – somehow aware of the inconvenient truth that I could have made my own tea, and therefore loath to criticise.
Minutes afterwards my mother asked me if the tea was ‘alright’ – this is something she often asks – but there was something in her tone… I could guess at some underlying motivation beyond genuine concern about her brewing skills.
She promptly revealed her dark purpose. She had taken the energy saving advice of a guest on a recently aired episode of the Joe Duffy show who had suggested using water used for boiling eggs to make tea.
I remember some years ago visiting the former Garda headquarters on Harcourt Street. The reception was a little out house near the gates of the compound where an officer would greet and guide visitors.
There was a shiny new looking kettle on a shelf behind the officer with a sign saying “do not boil eggs in kettle”. What did the Gards know about the hazards of boiling eggs that way that we don’t?
What does it all mean? Are we really living in a sick modern telling of Oliver Twist where we can’t afford to heat water to make tea, and boil eggs exclusively?
I do try to care about the environment and all of God’s creatures, but here, the line must be drawn. If saving the planet for Eamon Ryan means drowning in egg-sodden tea, then that is a price that this woman, at least, will not pay.