It’s the 9th of March 2026. This dispatch is sent to you from a remote outpost of the former Soviet Union: in Greystones, Co. Wicklow. The following paragraphs are not a joke. This is really happening.
Two US citizens, both of them male, have come to our country and are now, according to the Irish Independent, being housed at the expense of the Irish taxpayer in asylum accommodation in Scariff County, Clare, which is just beside where my great-grand aunt Nora lived in a sweet little house with a half door.
‘But why are two able-bodied American men staying in an asylum centre in Clare, Fatima?!’ I hear you ask. Well, because both lads, Ophelia and Zahra, are claiming to be women: trans-women to be exact, who have fled their homeland because of the Trump administration’s views on transgenderism.
The Indo piece says, “Following a sustained period of fearing for their lives amongst the backdrop of an increasingly hostile environment in the United States, two American trans women have revealed how they decided to flee their home country and relocate to a rural Irish village.
The married couple, Ophelia and Zahra, have been living in Ireland since May 2025 in a direct provision centre in the small Clare village of Scariff.”
While you might think that the reasoning behind the men ‘fleeing’ Trump’s America are farcical, the fact of the matter is that, as the law currently stands, the Irish government is obliged to process their asylum claim, even if the grounds for the claim were no more than if Trump had banned the wearing of pink jumpers.
Somewhat bizarrely, the pair claimed that ICE’s activities were a reason for their move, although it’s difficult to see what risk Immigration and Customs Enforcement officers pose to citizens… Why would an Irish citizen be fearful of the Garda National Immigration Bureau (GNIB), for instance?
Their claim that they are fearful of the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) is also a head-scratcher, with no explanation provided.
“It doesn’t matter whether or not the state is red or blue anymore,” Ophelia told the Irish Independent. “What’s happening right now in the States is a vicious dictatorship. It doesn’t really matter if it’s a red or a blue state – people like us, and especially people like my wife [Zahra], are not safe in the States at all, regardless of where they are.”
Ophelia says that he doesn’t feel welcome in his family, who he says are conservatives. Imagine if you will, all the people in the world who don’t get on with their families suddenly deciding to claim asylum in some distant land. Christmas dinners, weddings, and funerals would be a thing of the past.
Concerning the issue of attitudes towards trans identifying people, I’m quite sure that the US boasts several of the most left-leaning places on earth, such as San Francisco, Washington D.C., Seattle, Portland, etc, and, if all else fails, there’s always America’s big gay hat: Canada.
Despite the apparent absurdity of two fellas fleeing the very country our own village idiot Séamus Culleton is fighting tooth and nail to stay in, as I said above, any asylum claim, no matter how stupid, has to be processed. While the International Protection Office examines each claim, the claimants are entitled to remain in Ireland.
You might be surprised to learn that these blokes are not the only US citizens living here on your dime, having claimed asylum.
As my learned colleague, Matt Treacy, reported almost exactly three years ago, there were, in March 2023, 31 US nationals in asylum accommodation:
“There is no more absurd example of this than the fact that there are 31 people who came to Ireland from the United States of America living in accommodation provided for free by YOU. What are they fleeing? Are they Septuagenarian draft dodgers from the 1960s? Or maybe Trump voters from Tribeca? People who unpatriotically grabbed a beer instead of watching Rihanna’s half-time Super Bowl show?” Treacy wrote.
At least, to my knowledge, none of the 31 yanks above was asking for donations seemingly to fund their sojourn in Ireland, again paid for by you, but the Indo article includes a link to send Opheila and Zahra money.
I’m sure they’ll be much safer in the Irish asylum industrial complex, which is largely populated by men who come from countries where being trans or homosexual can get you killed.