Did you hear the one about the La – Z – Boy at Leinster House? This is big news(tm) and consequently featured in The Irish Times, The Journal and the Examiner.
Independent Ireland TD Ken O’Flynn wants to pimp up his crib at Leinster house. He has – according to the Irish Times “been at loggerheads with Oireachtas management over delays in getting his office fitted out since he was elected.”
In an email in mid-February to facilities management, Mr O’Flynn looked for ten separate items for his parliamentary office to “enhance the workspace’s comfort and functionality.”
That included a La-Z-Boy recliner as “comfortable seating” for use during break periods and office meetings with such seats often retailing at well over €1,000.
Shocked I am. Absolutely shocked. The journalists have picked over the items of expenditure – no coincidence I expect that Ken O’Flynn is one of the few effective dissident voices in the Dáil – and this was the best they could come with. The La – Z – Boy for a grand. You dear reader are supposed to feel outraged by this. You are supposed to board the outrage train in a hysterical state and travel all the way to Angry Town. Say what you want about those Fianna Fáilers, and Fine Gaelers – they might waste billions of your euros, but at least they don’t inflict the indignity of a well-apportioned office on you.
We are also told: “In response, the Oireachtas said they had no recliners in stock and that they were not “commonly purchased”. Mr O’Flynn also sought book shelves, cabinets, and a side-table “for holding items like lamps or personal effects near the La-Z-Boy or desk.”
I’m just surprised he didn’t ask for a mini-fridge full of beers, a full Sky Sports subscription to watch football and a massive 50 inch flat screen TV. We are also going to need the beers to be served by a Hooters waitress.
Mr O’Flynn has sadly been denied a desk lamp and fan as these would drive up energy consumption and “were not available as Leinster House was trying to cut its emissions and energy costs.” Guess he is not getting his mini-fridge either then. Perhaps the Hooters waitress can fan Mr O’Flynn in this incredibly hot Irish weather.
Mr O’Flynn TD has since said that he probably meant a recliner not the full on La – Z – Boy.
Never to be knowingly not stupid “another new TD, Sinn Féin‘s Fionntán Ó Súilleabháin, also sought a recliner as well as an extremely specific paint job for his office.
An email said: “I would like the wall papered or painted in turquoise, with the little vertical strip on the left, between the two doors, in yellow. However, a month later Mr Ó Súilleabháin wrote again to facilities management saying they should “disregard [his] request for painting/wallpapering.”
Personally I am not a fan of the La – Z – Boy but they are quite famous in popular culture. There is the La – Z – Boy belonging to Joey and Chandler in Friends but my favourite is the one in Fraiser. Frasier’s father, ex-police officer Martin Crane owned one that Frasier absolutely hated. The episode where the La – Z – Boy (it could be a recliner) takes a trip out of the window of Frasier’s fancy apartment resulting in Fraiser having to replace it at great personal cost is a classic.
The line “I tracked down the makers and once they admitted they once made the recliner” is another gem.
But seriously though – this is a good example of the mainstream media attempting to whip up outrage where it’s not necessary. There are probably plenty of people who think that Mr O’Flynn TD should not even get a fancy chair at taxpayer expense and should just sit on the floor instead. I’m not one of them.
It’s not like he asked for a duck house for his country house or indeed his moat to be dredged, all funded by the taxpayer. Both of these things were claimed by MPs in the Westminster expenses scandal. Ah, those were the days. A proper scandal that one was. I always remember that one as the MP who asked for his moat to be dredged (as you do) because he was a senior criminal barrister at my chambers. Good times!
While I have you though, if it was me elected as one of your TDs, I’d go big. I’d like my office to be painted Farrow and Ball Middleton Pink and I must have a statement wall, courtesy of Laura Ashley. This Pale Iris Belvedere Wallpaper is exquisite.
I’d have fresh flowers every day and my Nespresso coffee machine. I absolutely must have two assistants or Spads or bag carriers or whatever we are calling them. One of my minions would be female – sort of like Andy in the Devil Wears Prada. I absolutely fantasize about just chucking my Reiss coat (still waiting on that folks) and my Mulberry handbag at some teenager who has only ever watched Tik – Tok all day.
But of course as I am big on the entire DEI thing so my other minion would have to be male. Around 25 and plays a lot of sports. Hurling, the football even rugby, I’m not fussy believe you me. He must be tall and dark. What class of degree he achieved is neither here nor there, actually he needn’t even have a degree at all. That’s classist. Reading books would only interfere with his ability to play lots of sports and go to the gym and I couldn’t be responsible for that. Anyway, where was I?
Oh, yes the La – Z – Boy. The scandal of the century. But we all know why this has suddenly become an issue for our gallant friends in the press, don’t we?