When Emma Raducanu pulled out of her promised doubles match with Sir Andy Murray it caused a bit of a stink. The usual suspects on Twitter, men who are jealous of a very successful, much younger woman, said this was a disgrace and that she should have played a late-night mixed doubles match the night before her fourth-round singles match.
Do you know there are people out there who write in the comments section that Raducanu is ‘not a very good tennis player?’ This of a young woman who will return to the top 100 tennis players in the world and won the US Open. These people are fools. They have absolutely no idea how hard it is to become even a good amateur player let alone a top 100 professional player. But this is the world we live in now – buffoons who wouldn’t know hard work if it hit them in the face.
When I heard that Raducanu had accepted Sir Andy Murray’s request to play doubles I thought nothing good can come of this. This is a classic case of overcommitment where women, especially young women, even those as professional as Raducanu, feel obligated to commit to something they should not.
I also thought that Sir Andy Murray had absolutely no business asking Raducanu to play the match. Sir Andy Murray was essentially using Raducanu to have one last match at Wimbledon, he is retiring and she is on the up. I did not think it was fair for the older and much wiser professional, a man, to put that kind of pressure on the younger female player who is recovering from three surgeries and bad form following her astonishing win at the US Open.
But because Sir Andy Murray is human, and tennis is a sport so hard to leave (witness the tears and hand holding between Nadal and Federer when Federer was bowing out, God help us all) he did ask her, and because the usually ruthless Raducanu is also only human and perhaps conditioned as a woman to say yes to things she really shouldn’t, she accepted. A few days of rain followed messing up the Wimbledon schedule which meant Raducanu would be playing the doubles on Saturday night with her singles match on Sunday. She had a sore wrist – probably – so pulled out. It was inevitable.
Queue to usual garbage on twitter over her letting Sir Andy Murray down. But Emma Raducanu doesn’t owe Sir Andy anything. Write that down and put it on your fridge.
Now usually I would be someone who says you should keep to your word and play the match. But recently I found myself in a similar position having to pull out of a mixed doubles league because I was overeager and overcommitted. Sadly, it was not because I was playing a fourth-round match at Wimbledon the next day. But on reflection I thought what with the four children and a husband who travels for work, and the freelancing journalism stuff, this would be too much. The local grade 7/8 mixed doubles team was devastated because of it, I can tell you, and so were my sponsors. I think.
I did play one match – a three-set thriller – and I remembered how civilised, fun and dignified mixed doubles can be. Also you don’t have to run for every damn ball, so I was disappointed not to be able to play the other matches, but there it is.
Because this is what women do. We overcommit. Yes, to the parents – teachers association, yes to lunch with the parents, yes to picking up the friend of your eldest to bring them to the beach. Yes, yes, yes.
Why only yesterday I should have had an uber sign on my car as I delivered no less than 5 children off to various places, play school, golf, tennis camp and then two to the beach. It was worth it though as I had an entire hour to myself in the sun.
The key to not letting people down is not to overcommit. Over the years I have become ruthless about this and it is only rare now that I pull out of something I have committed to. I do feel bad about it.
My advice to the overcommitted is as follows.
Finally, when you do say no because you know you should be saying no more often, you do not need to explain yourself or say sorry. My children find this shocking but it keeps things simple and effective.
I hope this helps.
You can read more of Laura’s writing on her Substack here.