I remember my maternal grandmother – a hardy woman from Conamara – saying the old adage, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me”
It was her way of telling me not to allow myself to be affected overmuch by the ill-intentioned words of others.
While the deeper meaning behind the old adage went over my head as a small child, I now find myself an adult in a society that seems to think that words indeed do hurt – and in some cases even equate to violence.
I bring this up because it seems that simply asking someone where they are from is now regarded by some as a social taboo – something that in a now infamous instance led to an 83 year old woman, Lady Susan Hussey – resigning her decades long career as aid to the British royals.
The story of the British African woman – Ngozi Fulani- who, by the way, is so oppressed that she was invited to an intimate gathering with the queen consort of England – has reignited the righteous indignation of the progressive crust, many of whom are admonishing us for one of our most inherent human traits: curiosity.
Funnily enough, GB News reported that Ngozi changed her name from Marlene Headley to sound more African…..
I personally find it extremely odd that someone who went as far as to legally change their name, and chose to attend an exclusive gathering dressed in traditional African garb would be so heinously offended by a question about its – and her – origin.
Why would someone be offended at being asked where they are from or where their ancestors came from? After all if all cultures and ethnicities are equal surely there can be no possible offense intended or taken?
Unless of course the individual at whom the curiosity is directed is themselves in some way ashamed or embarrassed about where they or their ancestors originated.
As a mixed race person myself I admit I did at one time not like being asked such questions. No child wants to feel different for example, but alas children often lack the social skills we adults possess when it comes to those kinds of things.
Kids are as likely to ask why someone is fat or why they are wearing glasses – you know – unbridled childish curiosity.
Living abroad meant being asked where I was from was a constant feature that played into almost everything like what kind of jobs I was preferred for – English teaching, modelling, tv extra work etc.
I realised that I could choose how to react to the question. Being constantly offended didn’t seem like a great way to spend my life so I decided to get over myself – as it were.
I think it’s important to point out that a lot of this offense taking would seem to have its origins in a form of auto suggestion. I don’t think most people would naturally assume another person’s curiosity about them comes from a bad place.
It feels to me as though the woke pearl clutching nannies are feeding this form of victimhood to self legitimise in some way – we can’t have well funded anti-racism NGOs with a chronic lack of ‘racists’ now can we?
Instead of being disgruntled by the innocent curiosity of others – many of whom were admiring of my perceived uniqueness – I decided that being proud of my heritage was an infinitely better life strategy.
Of course there are a small number of people who might like to use my heritage against me in some way – but I don’t spend my life focusing on them. They probably only want attention anyway.
Asking questions and noticing differences is something fundamental to human nature that doesn’t disappear in the absence of diverse ethnicities etc.
Let’s be honest here – when someone with a ‘C’ registration plate cuts you off on the road – your gut instinct is probably to blurt out something along the lines of ‘Ya feckin’ Cork gobshite!‘ – if you yourself are not also from the rebel county.
A friend of mine recently introduced me to someone as being from Dublin – a horrid mischaracterisation as I am from Wicklow, but hardly a cause for offense.
On a recent trip to South Korea to attend a dear friend’s wedding I was introduced on separate occasions as being from Iceland and Japan.
Let me round off by saying again that – to a large extent – feeling offended is a choice – if you yourself are proud and content about where you’re from, I really don’t think honest curiosity should offend you.