Church weddings are still quite popular in the Philippines, unlike other countries where the trend is to be married civilly or simply to live together. In the Philippines, many couples do actually initially live together or get married civilly mainly because of financial reasons: a church wedding is supposed to be a major event, involving considerable expense. And those at the higher end of the money scale certainly don’t spare on the expenses: sometimes spending more on the flowers than a teacher would earn in two months, hiring very pricey “wedding planners”, and the like. On the wedding day, the crew in charge of pictorials will be in the church with a bewildering array of gadgets, and later during the reception will provide very classy productions, celebrating the earlier parts of the day, including drone footage of the wedding.
A very far cry from the weddings we used to celebrate on the rural missions (I use the past tense, because with new government regulations, weddings during the missions are a thing of the past). Especially in the years after World War 2, when parishes had often been without a resident priest for some years, the arrival of the missionaries, and the chance to be married in church, occasioned very large numbers of nuptials. One of my colleagues told me that on his first mission, in the 1950s, in quite a remote parish, he blessed up to 500 marriages, spread out over a series of villages. I think the most I ever blessed at one ceremony was 30 couples.
At that “mass wedding” (as they are called in the Philippines), I had a slight mishap. Among those to be married were two brothers, Manuel & Miguel marrying their respective fiancés. With such a crowd, the secret to avoiding complete mayhem is to begin the signing of the marriage contracts before the ceremony begins (no matter how unorthodox this procedure may be). Most of the people will be illiterate, and will simply stick their thumb into the ink-pad and thus sign the document. Others will take a long time writing their name, each letter painstakingly written, the letters individually separate. At any rate, one of the brothers and his fiancé signed their marriage papers in quadruplicate; I then called on the second brother & his fiancé. When they finished signing, I said “thanks Miguel”. To my consternation he said “I’m not Miguel, I’m Manuel”! So now we needed two new sets of marriage contracts, each brother having mistakenly signed his brother’s form (my fault entirely). I called on my assistant, who was one of our postulants, and he duly typed two new sets of contracts.
On another occasion there were twenty couples to be married. Only nineteen turned up and they were duly married. The twentieth couple hadn’t come to the chapel because the bride had given birth that very day. So I called to their house later that afternoon and, with the sponsors present, the couple were married, the wife lying in bed with the new-born.
To lessen expenses, we encourage the couples to join in a simple meal after the wedding, where each brings what he can, and then some local politician or bigwig will donate something extra to make the occasion special, perhaps a roast pig. Those mass weddings, especially in rural settings, are really charming events. By dint of necessity and ingenuity, both the bride and groom will be able to borrow the proper attire for the big day. They look just dandy, but also seem to be feeling rather self-conscious in such stylish apparel!
I suppose folk beliefs and traditions tend to persist longer in rural and isolated areas where there is less influence from the outside world. This is certainly true regarding marriage in the Philippines. The introductions and courtship are largely left up to the desires and dreams of the young man and woman, and the vagaries of life and the luck or misfortune of Fate. If all goes well, the husband-to-be formally visits his future in-laws and, if pronounced suitable, plans begin for the wedding. Both sets of parents meet to hammer out the details for the big day, focusing mainly on the reception: specifically, who will contribute what for the feast; how many sacks of rice, how many pigs, goats, and whatever else is needed for the party.
The wedding ceremony takes place in the parish church, which may be one or fifteen miles distant. In the latter case, lorries ferry the guests, the couple going slightly more up-market travelling in a jeep. The church ceremony of course follows the standard Catholic rite, though there are also some local traditions. For example, after the exchange of vows and the wearing of the rings, the groom gives to the bride some coins, with the pledge of using whatever resources he has to strengthen the marriage bond, and then the wife dutifully receives and acknowledges them. But woe betide the unfortunate couple if any coin should be dropped; it is seen as an ill omen, a harbinger of troubled times ahead. Similarly, when two candles are lit later in the ceremony: should one get extinguished by a gust of wind, then surely the fates will not smile benignly on that couple! As the newlyweds kneel at the offertory of the Mass, a veil is placed over his shoulders and her head, and a cord, in a figure of eight, joins the couple together – for me, a nice image of their being made into a new reality, joined together as one. As the couple exit the church, grains of rice are thrown on them, signifying abundance in their future together.
As they approach their new home, tradition decrees that they enter the house simultaneously – this is to ensure equality, and to offset any hint of subservience in the marriage. Interestingly this echoes the ruminations of the great St. Thomas Aquinas, who offered a most perceptive interpretation of the story in the book of Genesis, about the creation of Eve, and how a rib was the chosen bone (taken from Adam). There are a few hypotheses: the ribcage protects the vital but delicate heart, therefore the spouses “protect” one another and the marriage. Further, the ribs are located at the side, thus the couple will walk side-by-side, signifying closeness and intimacy. But Thomas has a different argument, germane to the Philippine tradition: the rib is in the centre of the body; had God chosen a bone from either extremity of the body, there would be the risk of domination and/or subservience. Hence the genius and foresight in choosing the rib, ensuring equality!
One intriguing custom, a test to determine the extent of the man’s dedication and commitment to his newly-wedded wife, involves the wife running a comb through her hair. The comb is then dipped into a glass of water, and the man then drinks the water. The message is clear: No challenge will deter or deflect him from his devotion to his wife. One hopes that she had earlier washed her hair in strong shampoo!
Any and all friends of the newlyweds are presumed to be invited to the reception, which is held under marquees, the couple and their parents at the presidential table. During the meal, one of the local elders offers the couple some words of advice about how to negotiate the various waters of married life: from the choppy rapids (problems) to the placid waters of the calm lake (contentment).
After the cake is cut the couple place a fork-full into each other’s mouth. Well, this can be quite hilarious, as you see the bride with vermilion lip-stick and bulging cheeks and mouth agape, trying her best to receive and consume the giant slice of the wedding cake. Finally, the dancing begins. One custom is that, as the couple dance the opening waltz, guests pin paper money onto their clothing, his suit or her dress: the totalled sum will be a nice help as they begin their married life.
Finally, I recall a mission in an area where many of the people were quite poor. On the last day of the mission, we had the wedding of seven couples, and we went to the reception of one of them. Well, it was like a modern version of the great painting by Breughel, “Peasant Wedding” (1567): a depiction of the wedding reception of a poor couple and their guests. The bride, a little tipsy, sits on a wooden bench, underneath the solitary decoration in the hall; the waiters bring in plates of gruel for the guests; the man playing the bagpipes as entertainment, looks longingly at the plates of porridge, eagerly waiting his turn. A very simple and plain party, with absolutely no luxuries. And that’s what the reception in the mission area was like: a tarpaulin had been placed outside the house, where the rented sing-along was; the men at one table drinking strong beer, the women at another table drinking tuba (fermented coconut juice); clearly not-well-off country folk, dressed in their Sunday best for the big occasion: a scene of merriment and satisfaction, a grand way to end the mission.
The Peasant Wedding: Pieter Brueghel the Elder (1526/1530–1569